Hi, my name is Jessica and I am a quitter. I quit things. I have a quitter’s attitude. The first step is admitting the problem, right?
It probably started sometime around 15. I got injured in the beginning of the basketball season, and instead of staying on as team manager I just quit. Then a few years later I quit cross country two weeks after the season started. I quit my job to find a better one. Then I quit that one and went back to my old job. I might have done that once, or twice, maybe three times. I quit things.
When a conversation starts to get too personal, I start to itch and squirm and I want to run away. When I start receiving criticism, constructive or otherwise, I want to curl up in a ball and close my ears. If it’s too hard, I want to quit. I’ve quit friendships and relationships – just cause they got a little hard or required a little more effort. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve considered dropping out of college – almost every day last semester. If I didn’t have money invested and no other viable career options – I would have dropped out two years ago. Recently, I started student teaching. It’s new and it’s hard and every day I feel like I have too much on my plate. Every single day I come home wanting to quit. Debating not going back. Telling my boyfriend I’m done and dropping out.
Things used to come easy for me. I didn’t have to study too hard to make good grades. I was a decent athlete – not a superstar, but I got enough playing time. I’m not saying these things to brag – just trying to explain where my quitter’s mentality might have started. I was used to easy, I didn’t like it when things got hard. So, I quit.
I’m not proud of it. I actually hate it. It’s a burden. It’s exhausting. And at this point in my student teaching, every day is a struggle. Even the good days. But, the first step is admitting the problem, right?
I know that greatness requires hard work. It requires not quitting. It requires not being lazy and watching 5 episodes of Grey’s Anatomy when I’m supposed to be grading papers (Whoops). And I want to be great. I really do. I want to be a great teacher, possibly a guidance counselor, definitely a writer. The main goal is to be a writer. And I know that requires hard work. So I have to quit quitting.
So, how does that work? How does one quit quitting? Well, I’m still working on that part. I’m not an expert by any means. However, I do have some theories. I think you take it one thing at a time. For instance, my student teaching. Every day that I get up and keep going and try my very hardest, I count as a win. The next thing I want to work on is exercising. I’ve started and restarted clean eating and exercise plans probably 50 times. So, my next thing that I want to focus on NOT quitting is exercising. I’ll take it one thing at a time until I prove to myself that I CAN do it. I can quit quitting. And when I walk across the stage and receive my diploma, and when I lose those stubborn 20 pounds I’ve put on, and when I finally finish my first novel, I will know that I am no longer a quitter. I will have quit quitting.
It’s just gonna take a lot of hard work to get there.