Usually, when people are described as “self-involved,” the term has negative connotations. I used to think people who were self-involved thought the world revolved around them. That they weren’t able to see other peoples’ perspectives or that they were selfish in their actions. I think of it differently now.
More and more, I have realized that I am too worried about the wrong things. I spend hours each week on social media, learning things about other peoples lives that have no bearing on my own life. When I share things about my own life on social media, I feel unsatisfied when I don’t get many likes. When I pick out what I’m going to wear, I pick out items wondering what other people will think of them. I spend time reading articles about great things other people have done, with the thought “Wow, why can’t I do something like that?” I spend so much time worrying about what other people are doing, I waste time not doing the things that I want to do.
There are a lot of things I want to do. There are simple things, like I want to keep up on my housework and exercise 30 minutes a day. I want to be a better daughter, granddaughter, friend, and girlfriend. I want to call my grandma regularly and keep in touch with more extended family. I want to try yoga. There are bigger things, too. I want to travel, to places in the U.S. and places outside the U.S. I want to write more. I want to read more. I want to find a job that I love. I want I want I want. I want to be a better version of myself. I want to become more self-involved. I want to worry more about what I am doing with my life. I want to worry more about the person I am becoming. I want to worry less about which one of my Facebook friends went to which bar last night and who broke up with their boyfriend. I want to stop looking at pictures and reading articles and thinking “Wow, I wish that was me.” I want to realize my dreams and be more productive and better myself as a person. I want to become more self-involved.
I’ve started small by deleting my social media apps off of my phone. I haven’t taken the big step of deleting my accounts all together (I do feel that some sharing on social media is beneficial and a good way to stay in touch with people). If I take the several hours a week (if I’m being honest, sometimes hours a day) studying what other people are doing and worrying about other peoples’ opinions, and do something more productive with that time, in a few months time I will have realized some of my goals. I will be on the road to becoming the person that I want to be. And I will be less inclined to worry so much about other’s lives. I will learn to worry about the right people and the right things. Namely myself, my family, my friends, and my goals. This may sound selfish, and it may sound judgy, but it’s not meant to be. I just want to be more self-involved, and I mean that in the best way possible.