Set Your Own Standards

I’ve been in a relationship for about 9 months now. Steven is great. He’s a little bit older than me, only by 10 years, so not much. We met at work. And by that I mean I was serving him beers and he was drinking them. I had a crush on him for awhile before I drunkenly added him on Facebook on New Years Eve. He says he thought I was cute but he would never hit on a bartender while they were working so he never made a move.

Steven and I are different in a lot of ways, but he makes me happy and we have a lot of fun together. I’ll spare you the relationships are hard but they’re worth it speech that every relationship post features.

No, in this post I want to talk about something else.

A couple months ago I was listening to a podcast when I heard something that struck a cord with me (shocker, I know, but we all get inspiration in our own ways.)

The girl who was emailing in asking for advice said that her relationship was amazing, she’d never been happier, she knew it was the guy she was meant to be with, there was just one problem: he never posted about her on Instagram or Facebook.

Which, sure, if your significant other is posting pictures with friends or selfies frequently and there’s never any mention of being in a relationship, that could be a red flag. But her email went on to say that he never posts anything on his Instagram/Facebook, and his profile picture was from like 3 years ago.

This stuck with me because like this girls boyfriend, Steven also does not post me on his Facebook or Instagram. But he also has exactly 0 Instagram posts and like 7 pictures on his Facebook with the most recent one being a picture of his American flag.

And while I can admit that some part of me would like it if he did, I also know that it doesn’t matter one bit. I don’t let it bother me at all. It’s not like he’s trying to hide me or trying to make it seem like he’s single, he just literally never posts anything.

Can you imagine breaking up with the love of your life because he didn’t post you on Instagram?

The advice that was given to the emailer was to set her own standards. Just because other people’s significant others post about them does not mean that it has to be important to you. If you’re in a happy, healthy, fun, committed relationship with trust and loyalty, why would you place so much importance on such a superficial aspect of it?

This advice – to set your own standards – can apply to so many more aspects of life as well. I often find myself hearing advice or reading something online and thinking well I don’t fit that – so I must be wrong. Which is partially just because I’m pretty susceptible to peer pressure/the opinions of others, but I digress.

Don’t let other people’s opinions dictate the direction of your life.

You have to decide for yourself what you will place importance on. Just because a certain thing is important for some people does not mean that you have to care about it just as much. Just because ~society~ says something is important, does not mean that you have to care about it.

Make yourself a list of the things that are actually important to YOU. Not what you think should be important. Not what society tells you should be important. Not what your instagram followers think is important. What actually matters to you at the end of the day?

Make yourself a list. A list of qualities for a significant other, a list of characteristics for yourself, a list of goals for your own life. And follow your own list. Don’t let anyone else dictate how your life turns out.

Imagine getting to your deathbed and realizing that you lived your life to other people’s standards instead of setting your own. How fulfilling would your life really be?

Start setting your own standards. Decide what is important to you. Start choosing your own happiness.

So my boyfriend doesn’t post me on social media. And for some people, that might be a deal breaker. But he does lots of other things that live up to the standards that I have set for the relationships in my life. I think I’ll keep him for a little while.